Heartbroken

I am having a really hard time with the loss of my angel cat Domino. I don't even know where to begin. I haven't felt like blogging or doing much of anything. I can't bear to be far away from the door to look outside, hoping to see Domino walking across the lawn to greet me. At night, when the motion light comes on, I jump up and run to the door, hoping it is Domino coming home.

Last weekend was so tough for me and my OH. He tried to keep himself busy to keep his mind off of Domino. I couldn't get motivated to do anything, because no matter what I did, all I could think about was Domino. On Saturday we searched our property and called him. We posted lost fliers throughout our neighborhood. On Sunday we spent hours in the rain, combing every square inch of our property, our neighbors property and another property behind us. We looked in every stump, under brush, up every tree, hoping we would find some sort of sign, white fur, his collar and name tag, anything that could tell us he had been there. We searched and called until we were soaked to the bone. All the local vets were closed due to the holiday weekend, so today I called the vets to find out if anyone brought in an injured cat. None of them had, but they took down my info, just in case.

My OH and I keep talking about Domino and all the silly things he did. He loved to sleep in the dirty laundry baskets or even the clean clothes basket that I hadn't put away yet. He used to cuddle with me every morning and he was the perfect nap buddy. His fur was soft as silk. He was the softest cat I have ever petted. He had an extra long tail, and when he demanded to be petted at the food bowl, you had to run your hand along his back and up his tail. If you missed his tail, than he demanded that you better pet his tail. He loved to look up at me with pure love. You could just see it in his eyes. My heart always melted when he'd look up at me. He was a puker, I always said he was bulimic. He'd eat a lot of food, drink a bunch of water, than throw up. We were constantly cleaning up cat puke. Even though we hated cleaning up the puke, I'd clean up cat puke every day for the rest of my life, if I got my Domino back. We used to wake up in the middle of the night to a bunch of racket in the guest bathroom. I'd get up and look in the bathtub and there was Domino, chasing his tail!



My other cats know something is going on. Dakota is moping around, I think he is looking for Domino. Dakota is also being more loving since Domino disappeared. He usually only would lay in our laps for a minute or two, but now he is laying next to me for hours. Dakota used to pounce on Domino and before you knew it, fur would be flying. I always thought Dakota was a little mean to Domino. But I really think Dakota is missing his big brother right now. Simba, my loud, obnoxious cat, is quieter than usual. She has hardly wanted to go outside. Morgan seems to be moping around outside and doesn't seem to be interested in much. I think Alexis is the only one that doesn't seem to notice.

On Saturday I attempted to go out and help my OH do finishing touches on the new shelter. I stopped by the fence when Fritzy came up to me. I rested my head in my arms, on the fence, and Fritzy put her head on my shoulder and rested it there. I cried in her neck. After that, I lost it and had to go back inside.

I haven't hurt this bad since Dakota was attacked and almost died a couple times. I know I get extremely attached to my animals, they are my children. I even told my sister the other day that I don't know how I am ever going to have children. If I am this way with my animals, I can only imagine what I would be like with kids. I am trying to think good, positive thoughts, that Domino will still walk through the grass, heading to the back door. But I feel in my heart and in my gut, that he is no longer with us, and it is going to take a long time for this broken heart of mine to heal.

I'd like to thank my sister for letting me use her pictures of Domino. She really did a good job capturing my beautiful angel!