Fritzy and Losing My Confidence

Fritzy came into our lives because my OH wanted to get a horse so that he could ride the trails with me. We didn't do a whole lot of looking before we went to a horse auction one Sunday. We had went to one auction previously but weren't ready at the time. The day of the auction it was 100 degrees out. The first horse we saw as we walked into the auction barn was Fritzy. It was love at first sight. We probably spent 1/2 an hour with her before we moved on. There were probably close to 150 horses there. Nothing else really caught our eye. We went back to Fritzy. The lady that had her there was a horse dealer. She had just purchased Fritzy from another auction the month before. We had noticed that this horse dealer always had the best horses at the auction. We talked to this lady for around 45 minutes, asked her everything she knew about her. What she told us was that Fritzy had some training and the last couple years she was a broodmare, she had 2 babies in the last couple years. She also told us the lowest amount she would take for the bid. My OH and I talked our finances over and decided we could bid on this horse, but we set a limit for ourselves.

As we sat in the stands in the auction ring, I couldn't breathe, I felt an anxiety attack coming on, I am sure the heat didn't help! Horse after horse came into the ring. My OH kept whispering in my ear about other horses "How about that one?" I finally had to tell him to shutup. I didn't want to talk. We had already made up our mind on Fritzy. I was freaking out. This was a huge decision we were going to be making and it might not work out! I had always told myself I would never buy a horse from an auction, I think my nerves were totally out of control!

After about 20 horses, Fritzy was ridden into the auction ring. She handled the noise quite well. I have seen other horses react badly to being in the auction ring. The announcer started at a very high price, than started to go down. When it hit a certain price my OH said "Should I do it?" meaning should he put up our number. I told him to do it. He did. There were quite a few people interested in Fritzy. Once the price became higher, we ended up in a bidding war with one other guy. It went back and forth for so long, an eternity. When you have sweat dripping off you from the high temps and from your nerves, I am sure it was an eternity!

We ended up winning the bid. When the announcer said SOLD and pointed at us, I could not believe we had just bought a horse!

We left to finalize the sale. Than we had to figure out how to get Fritzy home. We didn't have a trailer at the time, so we called a good friend of ours to see if he could come pick her up. He had been wanting us to get another horse so we could go riding with him and his wife. He lived an hour away and said he was on his way. While we waited, I went home to put on jeans and boots and to get a halter and leadrope.

Here is Fritzy's first night home, I think it was still 90 degrees and it was 7:00 at night. Notice my OH is holding up the auction sticker that was on her butt.

Since we didn't know too much about her, I spent alot of time the first couple weeks getting to know her and her personality! We came to find out she was very pushy. Someone didn't teach her any manners. She was very sweet but very in your pocket! I started to immediately work on her ground manners. Around week 3 of owning Fritzy, I decided it was time to ride her. Remember I didn't know a whole lot about her training.

Here is my first time riding Fritzy.

I found out real quick that she did not know how to whoa, she did not know leg pressure, she did not know how to trot, she was basically the greenest horse that I have ever been on!

Check out this picture, she was not comfortable in the bridle!

After about a week of riding Fritzy, someone gave me the name of a horse trainer. I called immediately. I already had one green horse and did not have time to train 2. This trainer came out to my place and worked with her here. My trainer immediately could tell that Fritzy was basically not trained. My trainer worked with her for a couple months. She never had any issues, just the usual green horse stuff. No bucking, no rearing, nothing to cause concern. I also was included in her training. My trainer would give me lessons on her, so when I rode her by myself I would know how to do everything my trainer was training Fritzy to do.

In September 2006, my sis Pony Girl came up to ride with me, this was before she decided she wanted to get into horses again. She was going to ride Brandy and I was going to ride Fritzy. We longed them both. Than we got on and headed over to my makeshift arena. I walked around maybe one time when Fritzy exploded into a full on bronco buck fest. Seriously! What the heck!?! I knew I was going to be coming off this horse, I just had knee surgery 9 months ago and had only been allowed to ride by my surgeon for 4 months before this happened. Once I knew I was coming off, I had to make sure I got my feet out of the stirrups, at this point I was only thinking of my knee and what would happen if I got my right foot stuck in the stirrup, this is how I injured my knee 20+ years ago. Next, all I remember is flying through the air backwards, I landed on my butt, than the force of the fall threw my head back into the ground so hard that the wind was knocked out of me. I could hear my neighbor yelling my name, my OH was running towards me, I was more concerned about where Fritzy was running off to. I tried to get up. My neighbor had reached me at this point and made me stay down. He checked all my vital signs and than I remember a bunch of faces looking down at me. I felt like an idiot. Boy was I hurting. I could not get up without assistance. I did not know if anything was broken, I sure felt like my tailbone was.

I did have my helmet on that day. If it wasn't for my helmet, I would have been in the hospital with a severe head injury. My helmet was destroyed. The whole back of it was cracked in the shape of a horseshoe. When I say cracked, I mean cracked! I could have just grabbed the horseshoe shaped crack, pulled on it and it would have come right off. I knew that if I did not have my helmet on, that this is what my skull would have looked like! My head hit the ground so hard!

I was not able to get back on Fritzy due to severe pain and injuries. My sis Pony Girl took Fritzy and longed the crap out of her. I was monitored by my sis and my OH for signs of a concussion. I missed a couple days of work.

I called my trainer the day it happened. She was shocked. Fritzy had never shown any signs of bucking! Even with my trainer pushing her to her limit. She never, ever bucked. We went over everything to try to figure out what would have caused her to buck. The only thing we could come up with was that she was stung by a bee. We have so many bees around here. Even Fritzy's reaction after the whole incident made us believe that this was not an intentional "I am going to buck you off, I won!" type of thing. After she dumped me, she was still running and bucking and once my OH caught her and brought her back to where I was laying on the ground, she was shaking so bad. She was terrified.

I know she did not intentionally buck me off. I know I made some mistakes when it happened but it happened so quick. I keep going back to that day wondering what I could have done differently. I never tried to stop her from bucking. I think I just sat there thinking I could ride it out than everything would be fine. Once I realized that this wasn't going to happen, all I could think about was protecting my knee.

I have struggled with confidence issues with Fritzy ever since the accident. I have not completely overcome it. I don't know how. I have tried so hard to tell myself that it was an accident and she did not mean to hurt me. We eventually sent Fritzy off to my trainers barn for 3 months. She never once attempted to buck while she was there. Still hasn't to this day. This is the only hope that I have, that I know she will never do this again, knowing that she never bucked before or after the accident. But it is still so hard. I know that if this happened while I was in my teens it would not have phased me, I would just get on and have no fear, but now that I am in my mid 30's, the fear is there.

I did end up with a serious neck injury. One that I didn't find out about until a year after the accident. I had been having severe neck pain off and on after I was dumped. I finally went to the DR. I had an MRI. I found out that I have an inoperable disc bulge in my neck. It does not affect my spinal column, so surgery isn't an option. I went to physical therapy for a couple months. I have been able to manage the pain for the most part but still have considerable pain.

Fritzy and I warming up together, for our first schooling show. I look like I am either nervous for the upcoming class or was it my fear of riding Fritzy? I don't know. During our first class, waiting for the results, Fritzy would not stand still, she had never been shown before and had never been in an arena with so many horses. I think I panicked. I was shaking so bad when I came out of the class. My trainer asked me why I was shaking so bad. In my mind I thought Fritzy was going to start bucking and I couldn't control it. The class was so huge they had to split it and we got called back for the next go. We actually placed 4th or 5th out of approximately 30 horses. Not bad for Fritzy's first show! But I needed to get my fear under control! I know Fritzy is very impatient and just standing there waiting for results made her move around and paw. Once the other horses were leaving the arena it got worse. She thought she was being left behind. But knowing how impatient she is did not ease my fear. All I could think of was that terrible day.

To this day I am still struggling with my confidence with Fritzy. I have ridden her on the trails, in a schooling show, in my arena, but I can't shake the feeling that at any second she will go into a full on buck. I have read books and talked to people, I need to get rid of this fear. I put beginner riders on Fritzy when we go trail riding, she is perfect. I wouldn't do this if she wasn't safe. I actually think she is better with beginners! How can I put beginner riders on Fritzy when I can't trust Fritzy with myself? When my sis comes up to ride, she always asks me "Who are you going to ride?", I usually say Brandy. She is my comfort, I know in my mind, that Brandy would never dump me and if she did I might feel differently about her, like I do about Fritzy.

My OH will tell you that Fritzy is the best horse ever. I always tell him "Wait 'til you get dumped by her! Than she won't be the best horse ever!"

Don't get me wrong, I love Fritzy, she has a very strong personality and she is what I would call bitchy. But she is a good horse, a great horse, an excellant trail horse. This is just what we wanted for my OH. We did make the right decision in making that bid at the auction. I just don't know if I can ever get over my confidence issues. I have gotten better and I am determined. A goal I have set for myself is to take Fritzy out on the trails this summer. My OH always gets to ride her on the trails, but I know my sis and I have days where my OH is at work and we can go riding. I am taking her. I am going to get over this fear. I have too!